Groucho Get's a Punch

The Pencil story:

But first, the back story:
If you understand the general stupidity if working in an office environment, you also understand that nobody will ever actually open the supply cabinets to look and see what may be inside. Instead they ask me where they can find a post-it, a dry erase marker, etc. or more commonly, make a half-assed attempt to look around then wait until I get up from my desk to point it out to them. They're incapable of following directions to locate the elusive post-it note on their own. Laziness...

Recently I did something I swore I would never ever do. I put ugly labels on every supply cabinet to let everyone know where everything was. Pretty self explanatory.
I did this mainly to save myself time, you know how I feel about ugly labels on everything...

Now the Pencil Story:
The other day a co-worker (we'll call him Groucho) comes into the office stands around like a stump for a minute or two. Goes to the cabinet labeled pens & pencils, opens the cabinet and stands there, waiting, waiting... Blank expression on his face.... pause....
Still staring into the abyss that is the pens & pencils cabinet he says " where are the pencils?"  What? Did I just hear you correctly?  I then say " they're in there, keep looking" Pause.... blank expression...
" where? I don't see them." I wait for light to dawn.... Darkness. I huff a little bit, get up, walk over to where he is standing like a stump, point at the pencils that are literally right in front of his face and say " they're right there, they're the ones with the erasers..."
NOT KIDDING!

The stool story:
So Groucho came into the office today to make a phone call.
We usually have a stool by the phone so you can sit down when you make a call, today it was not there. Of course true to Groucho he looks, sees that it is not there and then says to me expectantly "there used to be a stool here..." pause pause pause... blank expression... pause pause pause more blank expression... there he is, standing, waiting, waiting, like a caveman frozen in time...
Evidently he is waiting for me to solve this problem for him.

God forbid he make that call standing up, or for heaven sakes don't look around the office to see where there may be another stool! Just stand there, helpless, stupid, clueless...

So after he stands there for what feels like eons, with that blank expression on his face looking at me, I suggest that he look to see if there is another stool that he can use at the other counter - where they always are...
Derrrrr!

This is why Groucho may die by my hand today and any other day for that matter...